The Myth of Self-Sufficiency: Why We Need Support to Heal and Grow

The Myth of Self-Sufficiency: Why We Need Support to Heal and Grow

We live in a culture that reveres independence. The self-made success. The lone warrior. The quiet achiever who never needed anyone. But beneath this narrative of strength lies a quieter truth: no one heals alone.

Self-sufficiency is often painted as a virtue. And in many ways, having autonomy and resilience is empowering. But when the drive to “handle it on your own” becomes a shield against vulnerability, it can become an obstacle to true healing.

Because healing isn’t just about effort. It’s about connection.

Why We Learned to Go It Alone

For many, the belief that we have to “do it all ourselves” comes from early wounds. Perhaps help wasn’t safe, reliable, or available. Perhaps asking for support was met with shame. Maybe independence became a survival skill that allowed you to feel a sense of control in an unpredictable world. Maybe you learned not to “be a bother” to the adults in your life because they didn’t have space for your emotions.

If this is true for you, you’re not broken. You’re resourceful.

If you’ve read any of my articles before, you may recognize this idea: the patterns that once protected us can quietly isolate us. The armor that kept us safe can also keep us disconnected.

Healing asks us to be brave in a new way and to let ourselves be seen.

We Heal in the Context of Relationship

Whether it’s through coaching, therapy, friendship, or community, transformation is often catalyzed in safe, supportive relationships. Not because someone else has all the answers, but because having a compassionate witness changes everything.

Support gives us perspective. It helps us co-regulate our nervous systems. It interrupts spirals of shame. It offers reminders that we are not alone, and never were.

You do not have to collapse into helplessness to receive help. You can be wise and strong and still need support. You can seek support and still honor your needs.

Letting Go of the Lone-Wolf Identity

There is nothing wrong with valuing your independence. But if self-reliance has turned into isolation, it may be time to ask: What would it feel like to be held? To let someone see you without needing to impress them? To soften into being supported instead of constantly supporting everyone else?

These questions are doorways to a more expansive, connected, and sustainable version of you.

What Support Really Looks Like

Support doesn’t have to be dramatic. Often, it looks like:

• A friend who checks in, not to fix you, but to be with you.
  
• A coach who helps you see your patterns and lovingly shift them.
  
• A therapist who holds space for all the parts you’ve tried to hide.
  
• A meditation practice that reconnects you to your inner wisdom.
  

Support is any relationship, internal or external, that reminds you of your wholeness.

Rewriting the Story

You were never meant to carry it all alone. Yes, you are capable. Yes, you are strong. And also, you are allowed to lean on others.

Let this be the season where you loosen your grip. Where you allow yourself to be met. Where you remember that asking for help is not an admission of failure, but an act of courage.

Let it be okay to need support. Let it be safe to receive.

As a baby step in the direction of feeling safe to seek support from others, listen to this coaching talk to begin by developing self-compassion first.  How to Give Yourself the Compassion You Needed. 

If you are ready to reach out and receive support, I’d be honored to help with a hypnotherapy session.