Posted on Aug 03, 2022


“Success is not final and failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts. –Winston Churchill

First, what does “success” mean to you? (and where’s your fear of failure?)

When we discuss self-confidence and developing unshakable faith in yourself, it’s crucial to discover what you want to achieve in your life and how you want to feel. Then you can look at how a lack of confidence may be holding you back from what you want. 

Is it asking someone on a first date (that you hope may lead to a fulfilling relationship?) Or going for that job promotion you just know you can crush, if someone would only give you the chance?

Maybe it’s quitting smoking or changing the way you eat or starting to exercise—so you’ll feel more energized, strong, and healthy from the inside out.

Any of these worthy goals can call our confidence into question. Because there’s always the chance we’ll “fail” if we take bold action toward our goals. 

And remember, our brains love the status quo, even if it’s not ideal or you feel stuck. Developing confidence means getting your brain used to change in small steps–so that you keep feeling safe even as you become more courageous.

It all begins by changing your perception of yourself. Essentially, you must *become* a new version of yourself.

Let's start from the beginning.

How does low confidence show up in your life?

Your lack of confidence can show up in the following ways:

  • Opting to stay quiet in a meeting, even though you have the right answer or could mention a viable solution to a problem.
  • Putting off moving your body or eating more vegetables, even though you know those habits will improve your health and even make you feel better overall.
  • Staying quiet and shy around your romantic crush–because you’re not sure they feel the same way about you.
  • Staying in a job you don’t love.
  • People-pleasing relentlessly–putting yourself last in every situation.
  • Ending a relationship that depletes you rather than nourishing you.

The first step to feeling more confident: Uncover and Change your beliefs

When we’re kids, we form opinions of ourselves from a very limited world-view. Which means that whenever we make a “mistake,” misstep, or blunder, we tend to blow that mistake up into a bigger story about our value and competence as a person.  We don't have the resources or logic that we have as adults.

Like when you got up in front of the classroom to read your poem, and your classmates laughed at you. You may have told yourself that poetry and writing are stupid, and so are your feelings and emotions–you should NEVER share them again.

Or if your parents fought a lot as a child, you may have made their arguments into your fault—that if you were quieter or “better” behaved, they’d fight less. So now as an adult, you tend to stay quiet and “go along to get along,” even when you don’t agree with what’s happening.

These beliefs have one thing in common at their core: self-protection. And I'd add that they are a pretty intelligent and creative way to have meet the need of safety.

Which is a NATURAL brain function, especially as a kid. Your limiting behaviors and beliefs to this point haven’t been “wrong,” it’s just a safety strategy that needs a little rewiring.

To change these beliefs, first try thanking your brain for trying to keep you safe all these years with these limiting beliefs. And assign your fears to a different seat on the bus. Fear is always your friend–it keeps you safe. But it doesn’t need to stay in the driver’s seat.

And then? Look for data points in your life that disprove the limiting belief or fear. Like points in your life when you DID speak up for what you believe, and how someone next to you appreciated your voice.

Or where you actually HAVE had some successes in your life at your job or in your relationships.

Finally, how can you meet your safety and acceptance needs in new ways that don’t involve fear, procrastination, or keeping quiet when you want to speak up? It’s paramount to create small actions that move you forward to your goals without sending you back to your hidey-hole in a panic.

It’s okay to ask for help

For my full discussion of how to regain your self confidence, be sure to check out this short video to guide you in more detail through these powerful steps. And stay tuned for our next one that will give more tips and insights on this popular topic.

Sometimes our fear of failure and lack of self-confidence require a little more hands-on help to sort through. It can be difficult to see our own beliefs and how they may be blocking us without the help of someone else.  If that’s the case for you, know that hypnotherapy can be a gentle and powerful resource to help you develop more confidence in every area of your life.

If you feel the call to learn more and book a session, here’s the link you need. Let’s get to know one another and I’ll share how hypnotherapy might be precisely the support you need and want–today.

You CAN begin to feel more courageous and confident in your life–while still preserving your sense of safety and security. I’m excited to show you how. 

With care and support,