Help! I Can Imagine The Life I Want, but Can Never Seem to Get It--What's Wrong With Me?

“They that pursue their dreams unrelentingly with tenacity and the right attitude never continue to live with dreams forever. They live their dreams and realize their aspirations.”

― Ernest Agyemang Yeboah 

Your brightest dreams must align with your permission to make them real

I know we are all busy and can often be distracted even before we get through a short article, so I'll start with the most important part.  If you get one take away from reading this, I'd love for you to understand that no healing (or change) can come from a place of judgement or frustration.  The first step is offering yourself kindness, love, and acceptance WHERE YOU ARE before you can move forward.

Sigh. It’s SO easy to fantasize about your dream life, dream relationships, perfect job or career, financial abundance, happiness, and MORE.  You can imagine the life you want, but can never seem to get it, so you find yourself asking, "What's wrong with me?"

Let me start by saying, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  You are not broken and do not need to be fixed!

You’re a good person and you deserve to live out the visions you conjure up for a fulfilling, stable, fun, abundant, prosperous, influential, impactful, loving, relationship-rich, or any other kind of life.

BUT, if you, in your deepest of thoughts and values and inner messaging or your accumulated life experience (like trauma, failure, illness, or grief and loss), do not believe it’s okay for you to HAVE the things you vision, or that you don't deserve it, you WON’T, plain and simple. 

Or, you may bring them into being under sheer force of will and inner beat-downs, but your inner critic or your inner rebel will never let you enjoy the life you created because it will never be enough.

Systems and culture matter in making your dreams real

Here’s another angle. If you’ve never been exposed to a vision of a better life, it’s also tremendously challenging to make those dreams real. Plus, if you live in a culture where a dream life seems possible for SOME people, but not for YOU, it’s also extra hard, sometimes, to bring the changes you want to see in your life.

In a recent podcast (We Can Do Hard Things with Glennon Doyle), she was interviewing the brilliant black author Ashley C. Ford on the pathway to success through the lens of a white woman and the lens of a black woman.

Glennon remarked that whenever she spoke up and made bold statements, she got “luckier” in her professional life–the speaking offers rolled in with more frequency, the influential and financial opportunities multiplied. 

She noticed that when black authors around her did the same thing, they often got “unluckier” in their professional paths. The offers dried up, the checks stopped coming in, the agents and leaders and event planners stopped calling. 

My point in recounting this story is to emphasize that inner messaging is NOT the only thing holding us back. Oppression, whether overt or implied is totally real.

BUT, there are still ways to create our success and fulfillment, even outside of the “system,” and that YOUR pathway to your vision of a good life may in fact involve changing the conventional methodology where you can.

And it STILL all starts from within you–with your PERMISSION to yourself to have the life you want to create.

First steps to self-permission

No matter your outside circumstances, getting the life you want begins with your belief that you can HAVE it (and I’m not talking about a perfect life without hardship or pitfalls or emotional risks and vulnerability–but a life you get to create with intention and trust.)

It’s crucial, when you reach those success roadblocks, to first become curious about what may be going on in your inner world.  Many times, our limiting messages drop into our psyche in childhood or early adulthood–and only get stronger over time.

We often have to peel back the protective layers of armor and work through some old wounding before we achieve the excellence we want in certain corners of our lives.

Uncovering those hidden limiting messages may take more than a little digging, effort, and support! The trick is to get CURIOUS about what might be holding you back in your own mind, and REALISTIC about the outside circumstances keeping you where you are–all with big compassion for yourself and no judgment.

Even if the OUTER blocks to progress remain in place for a while, it’s always a great idea to begin recalibrating your inner landscape– like becoming aware of the coping devices you may use that keep you stuck, feeling “safe,” but also powerless in your own life.  (Like isolating in your blanket fort, eating your feelings, or having a short fuse in your relationships and acting out rather than getting honest about your emotions and asking for support.)

To get you started

Check out this week's free Transformational Hypnosis practice to increase self-worth.  When you can approach the journey of realizing unwanted behaviors about yourself and wanting a change from a place of self-love and compassion rather than from a place of feeling broken, you can support this desired change with more ease. By getting to know all aspects and layers of yourself with curiosity and the desire to understand, you are offering yourself unconditional love. 

This practice will help you start the inquiry process with clarity and confidence to release the messaging and values that may be getting in the way of your dream life vision becoming real.

Listen–your dream life CAN happen–and usually, it comes about in hundreds of tiny steps–until you can look back and see how far you’ve come–and fully ENJOY your creation. 

Begin with YOU–it’s not as scary or difficult as you may imagine. I can help.  I would love to support you personally with a 1:1 hypnotherapy and transformational coaching session.

Be well, and ‘till next time, take care!

Sara

The Mindful Movement

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